He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need mimosas to revive my soul
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
