Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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