what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Randomize
