you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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