I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
