Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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