Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
