I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
