Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
