In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
