I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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