Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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