All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
