She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
