Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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