Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
