I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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