I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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