just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
