There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
