I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
