well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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