Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
