We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
