Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize