Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
