1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
