Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
