Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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