Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
