i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
