I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
