i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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