I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You are the jesus of drinking
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
