this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
