you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
