I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
