You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
