OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
