ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
