I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
