I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
