I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
