Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
