why didn't you poke me back
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize