do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
