why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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