ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize