very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
