dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
