We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
