i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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