Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
