i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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