1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
