HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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