Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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