eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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