your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And then he peed in my hair
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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