I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
