I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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