And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
