Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
