If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
