Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
