My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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