By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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