Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
