All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
