Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize