Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we're so committed to being not committed
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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