I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This is my gift to your gina
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
