just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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