Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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