I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
