And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
