How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
