I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
