Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize